High tea with Maureen

When you first go on exchange they try to prepare you by explaining that it will be a roller-coaster ride and that you will have good days and bad days all the time. You accept this and go anyway. You’ll have good days and bad days no matter where you are right?

Somehow though, when you travel to far away places for extended periods of time, the highs are so much higher, the seas and skies are more blue than you ever remember seeing. The mountains and castles perched upon them leave you speechless and little things like hot chocolate in a French cafe on a cold day make you euphoric!

In contrast, when something’s not going quite right, rather than just feeling frustrated or sad you feel lost and alone. When you are so far from the place you know, the people you love and the people who love and understand you then any feeling of sadness is amplified by the distance so that you can’t help but think ‘what am I doing here’.

These feelings, these ups and downs, can all happen in a matter of hours, or can last days or weeks.

Such a day was today, a day of extremes and confusion, it was not the first, but is the first I have included in my blog, on advice from the love of my life that the people who read my blog (however few of you there may be who are not related to me) will want to know about the tough times too.

So, whilst this is to remain an up-beat and insanely happy blog for the most part, I am endeavouring to adopt a less filtered approach for the future.

Every 6 months or so over the past couple of years I have found myself once again questioning what exactly it is that I want to be doing. Primarily because I don’t like what I’m actually doing.

The entire point of this adventure that I’m on is to spend time taking care of myself and discovering what it is that I want out of life. So far, not so good. It has only been a week though, but when one only has a year things must be done quickly!

I have been struggling for some time with mind maps, online quizzes, the job guide online, and various other google searches to work out what I really want to do. I’d decided on writing, unfortunately though, being a creative field, you can’t always just suddenly get a job writing. So bookstores was next on my list. Then of course there’s my background working in Fashion retail and as a stylist so I could always go back and do that.

The first time I really hit the bottom career-wise and thought ‘I don’t know what to do with my life’ I put it in to google. Fantastic thing to do! Google really does have all the answers. I am always surprised by what there is to be found out there in the World-Wide-Web.

That’s how I ‘met’ Gala darling. Somehow she helps every time, and I go back whenever I need inspiration and motivation again to do what I want, and when necessary, to find out what that is.

Today was a day for Gala Darling.

After much fuss translating and re-organising my resume (German resume’s are so completely different to ours) I was ready with beautifully printed copies of my new ‘Lebenslauf’ complete with copies of my visa, certificates and reference all in neat little folders. I left a copy with an English bookshop, a German bookshop and then as an afterthought put an application in to Berlitz language school.

Today I had to call the English bookshop to follow-up on my application with the owner. Turns out that speaking English is not enough, the owner was after someone who had studied English Literature at University level, read at least two English novels a week and unfortunately my passion for Jane Austen and Shakespeare are not enough. She flicked through my ‘Lebenslauf’ while I was on the phone and mentioned my German literature studies and that I’d be best applying to a German bookstore. Disappointing. All this time, since school, I have wanted to study English Literature, but put it off time and time again for things that seemed more relevant at the time. Now it feels like that’s being rubbed in my face. I told the owner that I understood her need for an expert staff and thanked her for her time. I really wanted to be forward and tell her – No, I really can do this just give me a go and see! I almost wonder if she was waiting for me to do that, but there’s no way, while studying for my Masters this year I can fit in reading two English novels a week.

So, now having resorted to applying to two English/German Administrative Assistant roles (knowing full well that, while I’m good at it, I don’t love it and if I keep going back I’ll never get out of it) it is time for Gala Darling.
http://galadarling.com/article/i-dont-know-what-to-do-with-my-life